MY FRIENDS POST SOMETHING THEY ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT, EPISODE 4: WE LOVE FLAWED LOVE
*1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NLT [Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no records of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.]
As I was watching Jada, address the rumours and “entanglement” (her words not mine) she was involved in (because of the pressure of social media talking about her love life, as if concerned them), it occurred to me how weirdly obsessed we are as a generation of flawed love. We actively seek or are active bystanders to love on social media that is flawed — either being staged for the camera and for the fans, being conditional, being toxic or being materialistic and shallow with no actual substance. Yet, we’re suckers for it.
I don’t think we realise how concerned we are over love that is nothing near perfect and we fetishize the relationships we see on social media, not only because it’s pushed into our faces, but because we notice the difference of it and our reality and see that it doesn’t match. This lack of similarity to the ‘rest of the world’ (and I say this loosely because not everyone — as shocking as it might seem — is in a relationship btw. Some people are happy being single and are STILL — as shocking as it might seem — content btw(!)) might urk some people and make them feel uncomfortable. I don’t think we actually take a moment to choose whether the love that is blasted all over social media is the love that we actually want, or better yet need.
I know that no love is perfect. Instead, let me correct myself in saying that no human love is perfect. Whether it be Eros, Storage or Phila love, it will always — more or less — be flawed with conditions, selfishness, impatience, unfaithfulness, pride etc (but I could really go on). We are so used to that being the case, even settling for this — and maybe even cheating — and then stand in awe of those that are plastered on social media with ‘God whens’, ‘mbn’ and ‘relationship goals (insert emoji)’, just to continue ridiculing or being disappointed by the same thing you sought after — flawed love.
It is unhealthy to continue investing your mind, time and energy on relationships that do not show you the real nature of love. It’s damaging to your spirit and your physical being; because it will convince you that you need something that isn’t good for you, that you deserve something that isn’t of standard for you and that you should settle for something that demeans you. Viewing celebrity/influencers relationships and romantic entanglements as the blueprint of your own relationships is not just naively unrealistic, but dumb. It’s like an iceberg — all you see is the surface level and never the depth of it (or sometimes, in terms of social media love, the lack thereof).
Don’t get me wrong, tuning into the latest big news of a celebrity’s relationship in your spare time is your own... but I must have saw this tweet of someone now abandoning “Jada and Will’s love” to pine over another couple’s love and it’s like, lool do you lot learn? Why are we running for the next love to idolise?
I don’t think we know what love is and it’s this that is keeping us from loving correctly or knowing when we receive real love. If this continues, the cycle of pining over a relationship that appears to be filled with love will only confuse us and lead us to imitate such (flawed) love. Don’t then wonder why or how you ended up crying at 2am on the phone to that boy/girl after they said, “it was never even a that ting”, because you thought that buying them LV and displaying it on a hotel bed with petals on their birthday would get you in a relationship, since twitter said so...
So who do we go to for a real direction to show us how to love?
Who else, other than The One created love, The One that did all things and made all things out of love, The One who IS love (1 John 4:8)? The bible tells us of a God that loved us so much He sent His son to die in order to save us (John 3:16) — that love is both selfless and kind. The bible tells us of a God that shows love that never fails or is never taken away, despite our sins and our transgressions (Lamentations 3:22) — that love is both patient and faithful. The bible tells us of a God that through His grace and mercy and not by our own works, (whether good or bad) saved us (Ephesians 2:1-5) — that love is unconditional (agape love).
Why then, are we infatuated over a love on social media that we know nothing about? Why do we crave a love that is defective? Why do we doom ourselves into a love that is not of a standard that is given to us already? What makes that love more desirable? ... Actually, I think I’m asking the wrong questions: what makes us so foolish to want that?
We need to understand that we are already loved. We are already loved so well by God, that the idea of us being loved in any other way — defective, flawed, selfishly etc — by humans was not in Gods’ will and so he done gave us a blueprint of how to love in 1 Corinthians 13*. So, we should educate ourselves on what love really is and mimic the love shown to us by God, so that we strive to love purely, correctly, honestly and receive such (godly) love.
We already have the love of God, so I challenge you to be aware of it, accept it and use it as your guidance. Do not waste your worth being loved any less than what God knows you deserve.
Let us get rid of the idolisation of flawed love.
Let us get rid of entanglements.
By Peace Onuoha
As I was watching Jada, address the rumours and “entanglement” (her words not mine) she was involved in (because of the pressure of social media talking about her love life, as if concerned them), it occurred to me how weirdly obsessed we are as a generation of flawed love. We actively seek or are active bystanders to love on social media that is flawed — either being staged for the camera and for the fans, being conditional, being toxic or being materialistic and shallow with no actual substance. Yet, we’re suckers for it.
I don’t think we realise how concerned we are over love that is nothing near perfect and we fetishize the relationships we see on social media, not only because it’s pushed into our faces, but because we notice the difference of it and our reality and see that it doesn’t match. This lack of similarity to the ‘rest of the world’ (and I say this loosely because not everyone — as shocking as it might seem — is in a relationship btw. Some people are happy being single and are STILL — as shocking as it might seem — content btw(!)) might urk some people and make them feel uncomfortable. I don’t think we actually take a moment to choose whether the love that is blasted all over social media is the love that we actually want, or better yet need.
I know that no love is perfect. Instead, let me correct myself in saying that no human love is perfect. Whether it be Eros, Storage or Phila love, it will always — more or less — be flawed with conditions, selfishness, impatience, unfaithfulness, pride etc (but I could really go on). We are so used to that being the case, even settling for this — and maybe even cheating — and then stand in awe of those that are plastered on social media with ‘God whens’, ‘mbn’ and ‘relationship goals (insert emoji)’, just to continue ridiculing or being disappointed by the same thing you sought after — flawed love.
It is unhealthy to continue investing your mind, time and energy on relationships that do not show you the real nature of love. It’s damaging to your spirit and your physical being; because it will convince you that you need something that isn’t good for you, that you deserve something that isn’t of standard for you and that you should settle for something that demeans you. Viewing celebrity/influencers relationships and romantic entanglements as the blueprint of your own relationships is not just naively unrealistic, but dumb. It’s like an iceberg — all you see is the surface level and never the depth of it (or sometimes, in terms of social media love, the lack thereof).
Don’t get me wrong, tuning into the latest big news of a celebrity’s relationship in your spare time is your own... but I must have saw this tweet of someone now abandoning “Jada and Will’s love” to pine over another couple’s love and it’s like, lool do you lot learn? Why are we running for the next love to idolise?
I don’t think we know what love is and it’s this that is keeping us from loving correctly or knowing when we receive real love. If this continues, the cycle of pining over a relationship that appears to be filled with love will only confuse us and lead us to imitate such (flawed) love. Don’t then wonder why or how you ended up crying at 2am on the phone to that boy/girl after they said, “it was never even a that ting”, because you thought that buying them LV and displaying it on a hotel bed with petals on their birthday would get you in a relationship, since twitter said so...
So who do we go to for a real direction to show us how to love?
Who else, other than The One created love, The One that did all things and made all things out of love, The One who IS love (1 John 4:8)? The bible tells us of a God that loved us so much He sent His son to die in order to save us (John 3:16) — that love is both selfless and kind. The bible tells us of a God that shows love that never fails or is never taken away, despite our sins and our transgressions (Lamentations 3:22) — that love is both patient and faithful. The bible tells us of a God that through His grace and mercy and not by our own works, (whether good or bad) saved us (Ephesians 2:1-5) — that love is unconditional (agape love).
Why then, are we infatuated over a love on social media that we know nothing about? Why do we crave a love that is defective? Why do we doom ourselves into a love that is not of a standard that is given to us already? What makes that love more desirable? ... Actually, I think I’m asking the wrong questions: what makes us so foolish to want that?
We need to understand that we are already loved. We are already loved so well by God, that the idea of us being loved in any other way — defective, flawed, selfishly etc — by humans was not in Gods’ will and so he done gave us a blueprint of how to love in 1 Corinthians 13*. So, we should educate ourselves on what love really is and mimic the love shown to us by God, so that we strive to love purely, correctly, honestly and receive such (godly) love.
We already have the love of God, so I challenge you to be aware of it, accept it and use it as your guidance. Do not waste your worth being loved any less than what God knows you deserve.
Let us get rid of the idolisation of flawed love.
Let us get rid of entanglements.
By Peace Onuoha
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